The Alien Inside

The alien inside 

What is this madness 

This malady that makes you push the thorn in deeper 

To touch the unknown, to wring dry the pain 

To delve into a sea where you've already drowned 

Once? Twice? 

This hormonal rush that turns your mind to mush 

Your intelligence to freeze and your body into a raging furnace 

Making you run into the arms of a stranger 

Who can show no kindness 

Whose arms are busy hugging himself 

This fever seeking salvation but not to subside 

These waves of longing washing over good sense 

Of angst and anxiety and excitement 

Threatening to suck you into an eddy 

Of certain discontent 

This lack of empathy for oneself 

This need to run to the edge of the cliff 

When you know home is 10 steps the other way 

To self-destruct after spending years 

Reclaiming your soul piece by piece 

To be a lawyer by day, spewing logic 

And moonlight as a lunatic in a solo asylum 

To fritter away your self esteem 

Like ashes in the sea 

From an urn that took a lifetime to build 

To seek, to seek forever outside 

When the knowledge inside lays cold to reason 

To ask for the wrong thing 

At precisely the wrong time 

To bring back the agony long forgotten. 

This fear of the unknown lies defeated 

By the foolish hope of feeling alive 

The chance at another life, taking another turn 

Where your dreams appear lucid and realities blur.