Tuesday, March 01, 2005

ass good as it gets

Men often think (actually I don’t know how far that statement is true), but when they do, they often think about the perfect body. More about others’ (often womens') rather than their own. About their own bodies, they’re happy being able to just look at their toes. And if that’s not possible, all they need to do is one simple exercise. Stand in front of a full-length mirror.
Well, apart from making imaginations rich, a perfect body can also lead to great riches. For instance, you can make truckloads of money by walking on a ramp wearing (or not) clothes that some repressed soul has conceived of. Or you can model for the millions of ads for gas agencies, or plumbing works or for internal combustion engines, which technically do not need people, but what the hell, an ad needs to get noticed right? And if you have an ugly face, who cares? No one’s looking at it anyway. And that is not the only way to make money with a perfect body. But then any kind of body will do for what I’m talking about now.
But it’s REALLY not about the perfect body. I insist, it’s not. At least not the ‘whole’ of it (and that wasn’t a typo). It’s about the perfect butt. Serious. Believe me, no matter if you have a paunch that come in the way of your knees, or arms that swing in 24 different directions when you swing them, or have 4 and a half chins, a perfect butt is all you need to get away with a lot. Think about the advantages. I mean, you don’t have to have a beautiful face if you have a great backside, ‘cause no one is gonna have to like you turn around in the first place. Nor do you have to worry about buying make up. For your face that is. Your boss won’t stop you when you storm out of his room. And at a presentation you can face the white board all you want. And even get away with a bad presentation. ‘Cause, yes, you guessed right. In all probability no one listened to you. Same goes for stage shows. And out there, you could even get a great rear view…oops, review. All you need is a nice walk (actually any kinda walk will do). Just make sure you walk and are not sitting on your butt. Please sit anyway else you want, but NOT on your butt.
So the point I’m trying desperately to make, to myself is, WHY, oh why, am I writing about this? No! You’re wrong. I DO NOT have a fetish for backsides. I insist I do not. Butt then… i mean, on hindsight... oh man, it really does look like I do, doesn’t it? But I swear I don't. This is no denial. I mean, I won't do that to myself. To others maybe, but not to myself. And if you still don’t agree with what I’m saying, just take a walk. In the opposite direction that is.