This malady that makes you push the thorn in deeper
To touch the unknown, to wring dry the pain
To delve into a sea where you've already drowned
This hormonal rush that turns your mind to mush
Your intelligence to freeze and your body into a raging furnace
Making you run into the arms of a stranger
Whose arms are busy hugging himself
This fever seeking salvation but not to subside
These waves of longing washing over good sense
Of angst and anxiety and excitement
Threatening to suck you into an eddy
This lack of empathy for oneself
This need to run to the edge of the cliff
When you know home is 10 steps the other way
To self-destruct after spending years
Reclaiming your soul piece by piece
To be a lawyer by day, spewing logic
And moonlight as a lunatic in a solo asylum
To fritter away your self esteem
From an urn that took a lifetime to build
To seek, to seek forever outside
When the knowledge inside lays cold to reason
To ask for the wrong thing
At precisely the wrong time
To bring back the agony long forgotten.
This fear of the unknown lies defeated
By the foolish hope of feeling alive
The chance at another life, taking another turn
Where your dreams appear lucid and realities blur.
