nailed it

God gave us looks (or at least to some of us), he gave us talent (ditto), he gave us brains (I’m tired of repeating myself), and then he gave us (without exception) nails. Quite conceivable (for those who have them) as to why he gave us the rest of the attributes, but nails? I mean, they cost a bomb to maintain, if you happen to be a particular colleague of mine, and nothing at all if you happen to be, well, me. But what is the actual use of nails? It’s not like you can hammer them down to hold something together, even though they’re called ‘nails’. It’s not like every one of us likes hurting loved ones in a moment of passion. (Unloved ones, yes, though personally I think teeth do the job much better.) It’s not even like everyone has nice, long manicured nails to show off and seduce those (who, probably for want of other extremities) find the completely dead, tough, keratinous cells attractive.But today, after no thought whatsoever, I finally figured the only reason God gave me nails. After much warring with a particular mouse, I scraped some dirt off from under it with… you got it, my nails! And here I am typing gloriously, while also using my mouse, to ramble about it. It also helps that at this point I’m somewhat jobless. And it makes it look like I’m working hard at a really long copy ad for some client that only does TV commercials. But even long copy ads have a word limit, unless you’re Neil French. So, au revoir. (Just trying to be a little French)