Thursday, May 31, 2007

the mother of all professions

once again i'm inspired to write. read a colleague's blog, and its explicit yet innocent revelations make me wanna write. i don't know what it is with writing and inspiration. why do i ALWAYS need inspiration to write? why can't i just be 'self-motivated'? if you know me, you must've figured i have no clue what that means. does it mean that some people find inspiration from within? or just are too bored of not doing anything?

i mean where do people find the time and motivation to work (that too in advertising), learn a new language (and in some cases two), be an active part of a club, not to mention MENSA, go abroad to participate in debates, study (law) on the side (i'm not making this up. i know someone who does all these things) and more importantly, sleep? i find it hard to just go to work, work (for some time at least), go home, feed mah baby, rock him to sleep and keep him asleep while managing to grab a few winks myself before i have to go back to work the next day. i mean, HOW do people do all these things? and here, i'm expected to be self-motivated and blog regularly.

and while i'm writing, 'why don't you write a book?' and 'hey, what happened to that book you were commissioned to write?' can't people just forget facts like this the moment after i tell them about it in a weak moment of over-enthusiasm? no. they just come back to push the barb of guilt deeper into your gut every time. sometimes i think i should stop telling people that i'm a writer. maybe i should just answer global questions like 'what do you do?' with 'oh, i'm a practising mother. (who's still practising on her only son) and in my spare time i like to sleep a lot.' then i wouldn't have to field well-intended but soul scarring questions that tell me how i'm wasting my time and talent (much of it assumed).

anyway, now that i'm actually writing, there's no need to wallow in guilt i suppose. it does help to read what other people have written and find some spark to open the damn word document. and not start it with 'script duration: 30 sec. film opens on...' or worse, 'headlines for the day for laptop feature no. X5640.' it feels good to know you don't know what you're gonna write about. (actually that's the case at work as well, but we're not on that now...)

also it's strange how most of my posts seem to touch on writing somehow. like that's the only thing i can ever write about. writing. how boring is that? i mean, today i found out that one of my colleagues is gay, another is separated from her husband, a couple of friends are in town this weekend, it's my niece's birthday, and i all i can write about is writing. i mean, if the act of writing itself is such a big deal, should i even be calling myself a writer? another good reason to stick with the 'i'm a mother' bit. after all, there's no escaping from the duties of motherhood. you get all the inspiration you need. one, tiny whimper from the infant's cradle will rouse me from the most orgasmic encounter in dreamland (not that that is a frequent occurence. one needs to sleep to dream, you know).

so, is being a mother more satisfying than being a writer? most certainly. nobody can see or read what you're doing. it's totally back-end work that never gets published. except maybe when i show him off to friends and complete strangers. but it's satisfying alright. the volume of work accomplished is much more. and it's rewarding in strange new ways everyday. with a 'ma...'' today, a kiss tomorrow, and who knows, maybe even a book on his favourite mommy someday? there i go again... making very unsubconscious plans for my son to be a writer. there's no escaping the written word for me, i guess. that said, i just hope he's 'self-motivated'.


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